Many times I find myself doing nothing. It’s like I ran out of ideas of what I can do, productively speaking. But i’m not referring to productivity as the majority of people see it. We tend to link work and school as productive activities that will, obviously, give us a better future. Investing in a business project or simply getting more job skills at school to get hired.
But the productivity of that which I talk about is really not that horizontal or temporary. Meaning that it is someday going to last either in this lifetime or probably after I am dead. A “vanity of life” could be the most poetic and appropriate way of describing it.
I find myself desiring that which never ends. That which gives me purpose and transcends all horizontal pleasure and tells me that life is much more than what all of the eyes in the world combined can see. I look for the things which elate the inner most part of me, which is called the spirit. Something worth doing, enjoying, and pursuing. There seems to be no reason or meaning to keep on going with these “vanities” because I have seen more. I have experienced the supernatural in a good way and I will keep walking in the supernatural.
I still can’t find anything to do, I think of ways to make more money; it is useless. The week is over, the weekend is here; but I still need more or want more money; actually both. I find potential customers, but I forget that I need to rest. But then I realize, I’m not tired. I could go for another hour or two; doing something productive, of course. But all that which I call “productive” is pretty much what I did during the weekdays, so, what’s the point? Why don’t I just rest? I’m not tired.
I’m sitting quietly, analyzing why is it that i”m forcing myself to do something? Am I racing to get rich? To have a house? A family? A “life”? To move on? Didn’t I say this when I was a teenager? That when I get to my twenties that life was going to start? But here I am, still trying to move on.
So I give up. It’s friday night. I have the right to enjoy week’s end by praying, reading, and resting in the Lord. Victory.
Ministerio El Predicador 